Raising Children: When To Begin

When Do I Begin Raising My Child?

Should I consider this before conception, after conception, whilst pregnant or perhaps after the child is born? Or before all of these situations arise?

As for raising children, in reality it starts even before marriage. Women of God begin with good, sincere intentions. This is followed by choosing a pious and righteous father and extending supplications and hopes to Allah. Clear intentions and plans are also required. Prophet Zakariyah asked Allah to give him pious children – in this way linking the desire for a child with a wholesome and pure offspring.

He also not only asked for children who were from the Awliya but for this to continue with inheritance from him and the Prophet Yaqub. All these supplications were made before the conception or birth of the child. And when his dua was granted and the good news of the child Yahya was given, he asked how this would be possible when he was an old man with grey hair and his wife a barren lady. However, his intentions and hopes were so sincere that Allah granted him what he requested without any logical, material possibility of it. Thus, we embark upon this journey by cultivating such hopes and intentions and remembering that anything is possible for Our Lord.

Hana & The Baby Maryam

Allah continues to remind us of the pure intentions and the secret of the hearts of the truthful in the hope and supplications for pious offspring. Hana took an oath to place her child in the exclusive service of Allah without having any part of the world and Allah accepted this in the best and most complete way and granted her better than what she intended. She was surprised and amazed at the birth of a female child when her intentions were for a male child so that he could be placed in a sacred space in the temple. She responded to the discovery by saying that a male child is not like a female child and named her Maryam. However Allah said that he knew better than she regarding what she had given birth to. This was similar to the response given to the angels when they questioned the creation of humans who would cause bloodshed on earth.

Imran’s wife said, ‘Lord, I have dedicated what is growing in my womb entirely to You; so accept this from me. You are the One who hears and knows all,’ but when she gave birth, she said, ‘My Lord! I have given birth to a girl’- God knew best what she had given birth to: the male is not like the female – ‘I name her Mary and I commend her and her offspring to Your protection from the rejected Satan.’ (Quran 3:35-36)

Hana then sought protection in Allah for Maryam and her offspring from the accursed Satan. She did not look at her situation in the world or her material circumstances at the time – rather she had a higher aspiration and was looking at something greater, beyond her newborn child and to her progeny who would be born in the form of Prophet Isa, without a father. He was a product and result of the high noble intentions of his grandmother, Hana. And he will establish a process of order and civilisation on Earth, at the end of times and rule according to the religion of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.

Tarbiyyah of Pregnancy

Such is the tarbiyyah required in the days of pregnancy. So be aware of your intentions, rectify them and make them clear. Make supplication for both a pious spouse and pious offspring – be specific and clear. Children when they are the coolness of our eyes will raise our ranks and increase our rewards. After we die and pass on from this world, they will keep our good deeds alive. So seek out food that is both halal and wholesome. Ensure that all that the child hears from both the mother and the surroundings is sound and good. This includes Quran recitation, poetry, nasheeds and words of the pious predecessors which will open up the child’s intellect. Similar to the way the umbilical cord nourishes the child physically, listening to good will nurture the spiritual state.

Tarbiyyah at Birth

Tarbiyyah at the moment of birth is also touched upon by Hana who seeks protection in Allah from the accursed Satan and so we should also strive to do this. Immediately after that it is sunnah to recite the Adhan in the right ear of the child and the iqamah in the left. This is not a call for them to stand up and pray but rather to connect and bond the soul of the newborn to Allah. So the soul realises the secret of its existence on earth and hears it has a Creator whose name is Allah. When it hears ‘Allahu Akbar’ from the first moment that it enters the world, then it will not sever this relationship or do that which is in opposition to its meaning so easily, even in later life due to its great early impact.

Thereafter, we should perform the tahniq (sweetening the baby’s mouth with a bit of chewed date or the like). A good name should also be chosen for the child – from amongst the Prophets or the righteous as this will have a great impact. Let your children feel a great sense of pride on the Day of Judgement when they recognise the righteous who they have been named after. Also ask the pious and righteous to make dua for them. Always deal with your child with a dhikr on your tongue, with the names of Allah and words that will connect them to Allah so that they are always absorbing through their exposure with you. Even whilst playing with them, recite the declaration of faith so there is a constant connection between the soul of the child and it’s creator.

Duas to Fortify The Child

‘I place you in the protection of the Living, the Self-Sufficient who never dies and I drive evil away from you with ‘There is no strength nor might except in Allah the Sublime, the Almighty’ a billion times over.

‘I seek refuge for you in the complete words of Allah from every devil, every creature and every evil eye.’

Breastfeeding The Child

Breastfeeding can change the nature of a child so always begin with the name of Allah. Try to leave your phone or any distractions and gaze at the child’s face with complete joy, emotions and attachment. Remind the child of your hopes and intentions and duas for them and use it as an opportunity to recite your adhkaar and then read stories of the pious who came before. The correct order should be – basmallah, dua and then dhikr. It is important to bear in mind that whatever the state and temperament of the mother, it will be transferred and become present within the child. Hasan al-Basri said that the cause of his knowledge and scrupulousness was the breastmilk he had taken from Umm Salamah, the wife of the Prophet ﷺ. Although she was an elderly lady at this time without milk but Allah blessed her so that she was able to feed him.

A Christian man came to a pious predecessor named Suhaib and he asked him to go visit your mother who gave you the milk of Islam. He was surprised at this statement and returned home to ask his mother regarding it. She replied that their Muslim neighbour had fed him shortly after birth. He realised this connection of the milk and it became a source of guidance to Tawhid for him. So we can never underestimate the significance of breast milk and it’s powerful connection between two individuals.

Allah has instructed breastfeeding of a child for 2 years for whoever is pleased with that. If the mother is separated from the father then he is to send the child to the mother for that period and if she is not able to breastfeed then he is to find an alternative nurse mother. Musa’s mother was inspired by Alalh to breastfeed him and was reunited with him in the palace of Pharaoh as a result.

If you want to read more Part one can be found here: Raising Children: The 21st Century

Reflections from Raising Children with Ustadha Zaynab bint al-Habib Umar bin Hafidh. Born and raised in the blessed city of Tarim in Yemen. She is the 40th grand-daughter of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.

Raising Children: The 21st Century

How can we breathe, walk, talk and live in the 21st century like the Women of Allah? How can we raise our children in the jungle of the world that we live in? How can we use every cell in our body to raise the banner of Islam?

The sons and daughters of our Ummah have been mesmerised by Western ideologies and the impact of these can not be underestimated. Light needs to be shed on how to live as a Muslim in the 21st century and critique these ideas so that our children can not only recognise them as false but also navigate the sea of cultural, social and political tides.

We can gain an insight by looking at the lives of Women of God – by looking at how they were raised and who they were raised by. And better to do this than Ustadha Zaynab. The daughter of Habib Umar bin Hafidh and Hababa Noor. The 40th grand-daughter of the Prophet Muhammadﷺ.

Allah has created mankind in His wisdom and He has decreed for it according to His knowledge. When He created the human being the angels asked Him if He would put somebody upon the earth who will be a representative and spill blood whilst they praise Him. Allah responded that He knew what they did not. And we ask Allah to make us of those who understand the secret that Allah gave to His angels and of those who practice what is required of that. May Allah allow us to conduct ourselves in such a fashion. Ameen.

The Purpose

The purpose of tarbiyyah (raising children) is to ignite the light of Prophetic upbringing in every generation, in every era, in every time and in every place. The method of which Allah revealed to our Prophet ﷺ in order to rectify people, to make them successful and raise them to the honourable, noble and elevated ranks for which they were created. This light comes from the principles and practices of the sunnah which never change regardless of the passing of time.

Although there may be different methods and approaches to dealing with this and in the way in which they are perceived. We find there are various trends in different times and beliefs in how things should be done which are always fluctuating. Whether these be academics, scholars or otherwise. Those who are proved correct will be rewarded and those who were incorrect will be labelled mistaken. However, the Prophetic principles are firm and stable, based on knowledge that came at the time of the Prophet ﷺ and remains constant and stable without change or correction to the end.

In summary we take from anything that is aligned with the Prophetic model and we reject anything which is in contradiction to the Prophetic way. And the method of the Prophet ﷺ is sufficient for us.

The Why

There are three broad reasons for raising children:

1. The importance of the issue
2. The required duration
3. Outcomes and Fruits

The Importance of the Issue

Tarbiyyah has had importance from the very beginning and is at the core and essence of the representation of being vice-regents of the earth as mentioned in the Quran. Allah has given us our souls here on the earth so that we can live in a good way, in the best way. No one other than Him could have done that just like no one could have raised or lowered the skies.

Allah said he would spread humans through the earth and enable them to become civilised and settle upon the earth. By promoting rectification and building goodness we are fulfilling our established role. The human being is the source and origin of everything that comes from society and the structure of individuals, society and nations and we are thus required to build good upon good. However when the human has a deficiency and a lack of connection with Allah then this will impact his purpose upon the earth. What they have been placed in charge of leading will be distorted by a crookedness of ideas, thought processes and then be translated into wrongful actions.

Therefore, the nurturing of children and bringing them forth is a huge trust placed in the hands of the parents. Allah says in the Quran to protect yourself and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones. Allah also said that we offered this responsibility to the earth and the sky but they both refused and only the human accepted, in his ignorance. So this trust was placed within the human, making him the greatest creature on earth.

Each man is responsible for his family just like a shepherd is responsible for his flock and so he will be questioned about how he carried out his duty. The Prophet ﷺ said that a time would come on the earth when raising a puppy would be better than raising a child as the puppy will not be accountable for what it does or questioned. So raising children is an extremely important and risky responsibility.

The Required Duration

If a person understands the intensity of this responsibility they will realise that it is not for a specific time or place but an ongoing affair. Raising children and implanting the seeds of correct morals within them is a harvest that we will reap in both this world and the Hereafter. We will also reap the benefit at the time of standing, at the time of judgement and when we are placed in the final abode of Heaven or Hell.

Allah says that for those who believed and their children followed them in faith, then Allah will enable them to be followed by their children. So if the parents are in a higher rank than that of their children, then Allah will raise the ranks of the children to the position of their parents due to the excellence of the method in which they raised their children. So if the children followed them in the world then they will also follow them in the next life.

Somebody saw a person who had passed away in a dream and asked about his final end. He said I was amongst the fire and then my child recited the Quran and I was raised from it. So when a person dies everything will be cut off except for three actions, one of which is a righteous child who prays for his parents.

At the time of reckoning there will be children who will complain to Allah that their parents oppressed them and ask for their due. The parents will argue that they had given their children the best food, clothes and education. However, the children will reply that despite all that they had failed to teach them the religion. So they will be thrown into the fire. We ask Allah to protect us from this and make us amongst those who believe and whose offspring follow them in faith.

Outcomes and Fruits

The human is the one who Allah has blown into His Ruh and corrected and made in the best way, upon the fitrah. He has then given them the blessing of children so that they may be straightened and nurtured on their fitra. The child is a trust and the way of dealing with this trust is to realise that it has the potential to reach the highest level of humanity and to be able to hear and know the words of the Lord. Allah has prepared this soul and being for the highest ranks of truthfulness, with the capacity of reaching the ranks of the pious, saints and many spiritual capabilities.

Allah has made this possible through the parents, if they perform their role in raising the child correctly. This is the best of the potential outcomes – that the child reaches this rank and provides feelings of happiness, joy and pride to the parents. It truly is the pride of this world and the next. It is also the light, contentment and happiness of Allah with you as a parent. May Allah grant us it. Ameen.

To continue reading Part 2: Raising Children When To Begin, click here.

Reflections from Raising Children with Ustadha Zaynab bint al-Habib Umar bin Hafidh. Born and raised in the blessed city of Tarim in Yemen. She is the 40th grand-daughter of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.

Necklace of Pearls – Who Is She?

Why is it important to take from the life of Fatimah Zahra?

When we look at her life story she is an example for us in all of her states. A perfection of all that women should be following. She gives us a complete picture to embody.

Aisha narrated that out of all of creation she is the one who resembled the Prophet ﷺ the most, even to the extent of her walking as recorded in Tirmidhi. She is the greatest means to arrive and reach the Prophet ﷺ because she is the most beloved to him and a wide door allowing us to gain closeness to him.

In studying her life we find that she is not like any other woman we are aware of. We have to therefore remind ourself that we are studying the life of an individual who is the best of both the people of the world and Jannah. She has been singled out with the best attributes by Allah. Pure in character and special in the way she carried herself.

We are learning about her not to memorise or attain knowledge but in order to imbue her character traits so that we can build a connection and ties of love with her and enter her sphere of love. In this way we can strengthen our connection with her and benefit from it not only in this world but also when we transit from this world to the next world. She is the best of women of all time and those who love her will have a natural consequence of following the love through with actions and consequently be stood with her on the Day of Judgment. When she passes the siraat those who were attached with her will be privileged to pass over it with her like lightning.

Allah said: Whosoever shows enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask something of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about seizing the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate hurting him. (Bukhari)

When we talk about love it is the foundation of pure faith. The Hadith Qudsi above speaks about about a servant drawing close until Allah loves them and becomes through this love the servant’s senses and limbs that he acts with. Love in Islam is a great affair and one of the greatest and firmest handholds. The companions embodied this love for the Prophet ﷺ. And Fatima was the most beloved person to the Prophet ﷺ and this should be sufficient for us.

Why does love have this great effect?

It is something decreed by Allah and connected to being one with Him. You will be with those you love. It is the easiest way to attain closeness to Allah because we may not have the acts and states of worships of Fatima. However if we have this aspect of love that has entered our hearts then we will be with her in that station despite us having lower deeds and not being able to turn away from the world and engage in the worship that she was able to.

The Prophet ﷺ said, “You will be with those whom you love.” (Bukhari)

Gnosis is according to the decree by which you love. The more you love the more you will increase in love and maintain a connection with the one loved. A sign of increasing in love is constant remembrance, following and yearning for the one that you love. Knowing is the first degree of love and the beginning of the path to increase in our love and thus following and attaining great stations.

Necklace of Pearls – First Chapter

Who is she?

Within her life we will find all the manners and means relevant to our lives today, in all our states. She was a sister who was the best of sisters, a mother who was the best of mothers, and a daughter who was the best of daughters. We will always find an example and way in her story to guide us through our constant struggles and difficulties in our own life stories.

All praise is to Allah who created all things and made them to exact measure. He sent our Master Muhammad ﷺ to all people as a bearer of good news and warnings. One who calls people to Allah as a lamp giving light.

And he distinguished the household of his noble Prophet ﷺ with precedence and distinction in honour and esteem of them. He said in praise of them and as a sign and reminder, ‘God wishes to keep uncleanness away from you, people of the Prophet’s house, and to purify you thoroughly.’ (Quran 33:33)

This is part of a longer verse and the advice from Allah to the women of the house is that always do what is good and right and don’t raise your voices in front of those who are not related. Do not display you beauty to others. And this is how Allah wishes you to be – concealed and secret in your manner.

Stay at home, and do not flaunt your finery as they used to in the pagan past; keep up the prayer, give the prescribed alms, and obey God and His Messenger. God wishes to keep uncleanness away from you, people of the Prophet’s House, and to purify you thoroughly. (Quran 33:33)

Oh Allah send profuse prayers, peace, blessings, rank, honour and magnification perpetually at every moment upon our Master Muhammad ﷺ and his pure, pleasant household, the companions and all those who follow them in good.

Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said, ‘Fatima is a complete part of me. Whatever angers her makes me angry. Whatever makes her happy makes me happy.’ (Bukhari) Fatima is a complete part of the Prophet ﷺ. This should be sufficient to understand that if you wish to please the Prophet ﷺ then you are required to please Fatima and the two are connected and not separate.

Fatima is the leader of all the women of the world, the mother of the blessed ones, a piece of the Prophet ﷺ. She is Az-Zahra (The Resplendent) and Al-Batul (The chaste). She inspires awe and is an overflowing ocean containing precious jewels so where do we begin? She is pure and purified in her words and deeds and elevated in lineage and origin.

Who is her Father?

Her father is the Master ﷺ of the Universes and the noblest and most honourable of humans and Jinn. He is the greatest blessing and mercy given to mankind. Allah calls mankind to be saved through him from the errors of ignorance and wrongdoing via the inscribed scripture he received. Through the Prophet ﷺ the depths of darkness and oppression were averted and light was allowed to emanate and become a salvation for mankind.

Who is her mother?

Her mother was Khadija and it is enough of an honour and pride that she was the wife of the Prophet ﷺ. Pleasantly pure and of glorious virtues. Her station was such that she had the greatest of standing in this word and the next. This was indicated by Abu Hurairah narrating that Prophet ﷺ said whilst taking seclusion in the cave, Jibrail came to him and said Khadija is coming and bringing a vessel with food and your Lord has asked to convey her peace. SubhanAllah! How fortunate is she? And she gave a beautiful return in response. Allah is peace, from Him is peace and we will return to peace. She was also given glad tidings of a house made of beautiful pearls in Jannah where there would be no fatigue or toil.

Who is her Husband?

Her husband is Ali ibn Talib, Imam Al-Murtadah who Allah is pleased with. He spoke truth in anger and pleasure. Allah’s victorious lion. Sad ibn Waqqas said in regard to Ali, that he was left by the Prophet ﷺ in Madinah whilst going an expedition to which he asked, ‘Are you leaving me with the women and children?’ The Prophet ﷺ replied saying are you not content that you are to me like Haroon was to Musa but after me there will be no Prophet. This indicated his high station in that he was responsible for carrying out prophetic duties in companionship with the Prophet ﷺ.

Who are her Children?

She was the mother of Hasan and Husayn. The sweet, blessed breezes of the master of the Universes the beautiful scent of this world. They were described as the best of the youth of Jannah.

The Prophet ﷺ also said, ‘Husayn is from me and I am from Husayn. Allah loves anyone who loves al-Hasan and al-Husayn. They are two of my distinguished descendants.’ (Adab al-Mufrad)

Abu Shayma narrates on the authority of Abu Bakr that he said to Hasan, ‘Resemble your grandfather and not your father,’ to which Ali laughed. Hasan resembled the Prophet ﷺ very closely and the Prophet ﷺ hugged him and said, ‘Indeed I truly love him so love him and those who love him.‘ (Sunan ibn Majah)

Her daughters are Zaynab, Umm Kulthum and Ruqayyah. Named after her sisters who no doubt had a special place in both her heart and that of the Prophet ﷺ. And Master Al-Muhassin who passed away in infancy.

What have we left?

The Prophet ﷺ said I have left you two weighty thing. The Quran and my family – those who come from me. The advice is to hold fast to both of them by attaching ourselves to them and following them for success in this world and the next.

His ﷺ family are the pure house.

The shining stars.

The Noble.

The Virtuous.

The Elect.

They are the stars

by which the earth

navigates its safety.

The ships of salvation

from every trial.

O Allah send fragrant breezes of good pleasure upon her and aid us by the secrets You have placed in her. O Allah send prayers and salutations upon her father Muhammad ﷺ and his family and companions and the believers.

Reflections on the ‘Necklace of Pearls’

By Zaynab bint Umar bint Hafiz.

Part One

22/07/20

An Imam Ghazali perspective for modern times – how to teach and nurture faith in our children.

Knowledge is not sought simply for intrinsic merit but has a higher primary purpose which is to achieve right guidance. Aqidah (creed) is the Arabic word for a set of religious beliefs; the ultimate aim of which is to seek closeness to Allah by way of iman (faith). Iman is essentially a matter of the heart whilst the intellect is an instrument which can be employed to clarify, explain, defend and strengthen faith. However, the locus of faith and certitude are both embedded deep within the heart and thus the stages and levels of iman directly relate to the condition of the heart.

In the early years, children should be pointed to religious beliefs as realities which are accepted. They should be taught about the: (i) Majesty and Greatness of Allah so that they are in awe of Him, (ii) Mercy Of Allah so that they love Him and that (iii) everything comes from Allah so that they are thankful. In addition to this they should be introduced to the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ so that they learn to love him and perceive him as a role model in actuality. These are all pre-cursors of belief which should be instilled before formal education begins as a preparation for the child. Especially with the current climate and context that we live in as many of these meanings may not arise naturally. Conversely, children may be exposed to views from the Christian and pagan religious traditions which may creep in and become embedded through their normal interactions with their environment.

Parents are the first people to teach a child Aqidah and ‘the one who does not have something cannot give it.’ Therefore it is imperative that as a responsible adult, parents know the core beliefs and engage in regular acts of worship, in terms of knowledge and spirituality respectively. This is significant in two ways. Firstly, children naturally follow in the footsteps of their parents and if prayer, reciting Quran and dhikr are an observed normality then it is very likely that they will become an actuality in relation to the child’s personality. Secondly, the blessing of having a child may be a reminder of the deficiencies within one self and hence allow reflection and self-improvement. Parents who are able to do this successfully will be able to raise children wherever they may find themselves in the world and during difficult times they will be able to turn to Allah completely and wholeheartedly for help.

The Imam identifies and explains three stages which are a gradual progression of one another in terms of faith and and take the child from being a small seed to a large tree with deep roots and high branches. The first stage is memorisation (Hifz) where the child should be encouraged to memorise the descriptions of the religious beliefs and this can be done in the early years, before the age of seven. This is followed by understanding (fahm) where parts of faith are gradually uncovered and the meanings are revealed as the child grows.

In order to strengthen and affirm faith it is necessary that they be introduced to regular acts of worship, recitation of the Quran and study of its commentary alongside study of the Hadith. Ultimately this combination of devotional knowledge and spiritual application will lead to acceptance (ithiqaad) and certitude (yaqeen) of faith to a point where it will be like an unshakeable deeply-rooted tree bearing lots of fruits in its high branches.

Stage One – Memorisation

In the first stage (0-7 years) children are like sponges and will absorb all the information that you present them with. As a result it is imperative to introduce them to the descriptions of the religious beliefs until they become ingrained in their memory. At this point a child does not require proofs for the existence of God. The reason being that the default position of the human heart is that it is created in a way where it is susceptible to belief without evidence and is based on taqleed (following) simple instructions.

“Anybody who believes through mere following, their faith will not be free from creeping doubts.” Imam Al-Laqqani

However, Imam Ghazali does point out that where faith is based on mere following then it will have a level of weakness. In these instances one can accept removal of faith by its opposite and even be subject to a change of faith as it has not been nurtured sufficiently. This is even more so relevant in the turbulent times that we live in where our faith is constantly challenged by the religious traditions around us, the rise of atheism and scientific theories such as evolution.

Therefore it is critical that we build on this stage and strengthen it further by performing spiritual works and nurturing the meanings of faith until it becomes solid. One of the types of worship which is suitable and relevant for this phase is the remembrance of Allah by dhikr such as ‘SubhanAllah’ and ‘Alhamdulillah’. Another is memorisation and repetition of daily duas including the sleeping and waking, before and after eating and entering and leaving the toilet.

Although children may not recognise and comprehend the meanings of these supplications fully at this point the effect of reciting them daily is profound, causing them to become deeply rooted in the child and the meanings can be nurtured further once they reach the age of understanding. The importance of this stage is that the child becomes familiar with and begins to love Allah and is immersed in His remembrance so much that it becomes a natural, normal part of life and thus easier to continue in future.

Stage Two – Understanding

Once the child reaches the age of 7-8 years, formal education begins and the meanings related to the memorised exposition of the creed can be gradually uncovered and revealed in incremental, age appropriate steps. This is done by balancing the components of worship and devotional knowledge as they are equally important. The Quran gives a beautiful metaphor in Surah Ibrahim, to describe this process:

“Have you not considered how Allah presents an example, making a good word like a good tree, whose root is firmly fixed and its branches high in the sky?” (Quran 14:24)

Where the first stage of faith was about placing and planting the seed of “La ilaha ilalah” (There in no God but Allah) in the chest of the child, it now needs to be consistently nursed, nurtured and cultivated with water, nutrients, sufficient light and air, in a gradual manner so that both the tree and child can bloom until completion and perfection. This requires a carefully balanced approach in both the methods and composition of cultivation accompanied with hard work to ensure success. In this way the tree will become deeply-rooted, firmly planted, resisting external pressures and with branches stretching loftily into the sky. Similiarly a child who has been nurtured correctly will have iman deeply rooted in the soil of the heart without being shaken by confusions; bearing an abundance of fruits in the branches of faith, by Allah’s bounty.

One of the major problems of current times is that people are discussing faith but not living by it as a reality and often it is not evident in their actions. Imam Al-Laqqani comments: ” The way to strengthen belief and make it firm is not by teaching the child the art of debate and kalam (scholastic theology). Rather one busies oneself with the Quran and it’s tafsir and exegesis and the Hadith and their meanings.” This summarises how a child should be raised within the second and further stages – with devotion and a strong connection to the Quran and Prophetic guidance. The spiritual and emotional needs of the child should be met by establishing a health, loving, caring relationship and environment so that they can be slowly guided towards practising the outward rituals of the faith.

Imam Al-Laqqani further went on to say, “The chosen position is that faith does increase with all that increases a person’s state of obedience.” This encompasses Quran recitation and study, regular routines of worship in the form of Salah and adhkaar. It also ties in with Prophetic advice of Muhammad ﷺ who advised reciting the Quran in a month. Such spiritual works will slowly nurture the meanings of iman as studying and understanding the Quran and Hadith is essentially mentioning Allah and his attributes. In this way the child will form a relationship with the Creator by getting to know Him and being conscious of His presence. Duas and dhikr have the same effect as they are in fact statements of faith which can now be understood with their meanings and when uttered constantly allow the child to reflect on Allah throughout their day from the moment of waking until the moment of sleeping.

Allah commands us to to seek out the people of truth and surround ourselves with them. “O you who have believed, fear Allah and be with those who are true.” (Quran 9:119) Introducing a child and making them accustomed to seeing, hearing and sitting with righteous people will undoubtedly have a profound impact on their faith, character and behaviour. Alongside the light which shines from the acts and routines of worship there is a light which shines from the people of righteousness in their appearance, countenance, mannerisms, humility, modesty and awe. Much can be derived in lessons from them in regards to belief, awe, love and reverence of Allah. It is therefore vital that parents contemplate deeply to identify who is true and direct their children to the company of these people so that they can be with them as their states alone will express meanings of faith that will be powerful.

It also recommended to protect the ears of the child from argumentation and debates relating to faith during this stage and for as long as possible, as the confusion caused by such things is far greater than what they may clarify, thus sowing the seeds of doubt. This was relevant to the time of Imam Ghazali due to the rise in theology and debates and it is similarly relevant today in the form of indirect challenges to faith faced by children of school age in science and other subjects and more so for students in further education. In addition to this interfaith and secetarian debates attract the masses but if one does not have firm foundational faith then these discourses can corrupt more than they rectify  in matters relating to faith so one should guard their faith carefully when approaching them and avoid them in children completely.

As a result we should ensure that we have established, clarified and affirmed our foundational knowledge on what is necessary to believe in so that we may protect and preserve our faith. This is an individual obligation on a personal level but also a collective obligation on a communal level to safeguard, nurture and preserve faith within the community. Sound advice is that we should not entertain any such talk relating to our beliefs as self-doubt is common place and one may not have the rigour to pursue and understand the questions that arise in the mind. In an age of technology it is even more important to check that we are receiving correct guidance by checking our sources thoroughly and carefully selecting who we follow.

Stage Three – Acceptance & Certitude

If the child is raised upon the outlined beliefs in the early years and grows up seeking a livelihood in the world with these firm in their heart then they are considered to be on the truth and that is sufficient for them and they will be safe in the Hereafter. In the case of a common person , no further matters of creed need to be opened up to them as they are not responsible for anything more than firm conviction, as is the case of the Bedouins at the time of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ who were on the path of belief and practise. These are the people of the right as described by Allah in Surah Waqiah of the Quran. They will be blessed with paradise and given their records in their right hand. However if you want to go above and beyond that and be counted amongst the foremost and exalted class of ‘muqarrabun’ i.e. those have drawn closest to Allah then you will need to tread the path of the hereafter by perfecting your Aqidah and purifying your heart through spirituality. This is described as the most precious jewel that is the extent of the faith by experiencing the realisation of being with Allah.

“And you will all be separated into three separate groups. So those on the Right Hand, Who will be those on the Right Hand? And those on the Left Hand, Who will be those on the Left Hand? And those foremost will be foremost in Paradise. These will be those nearest to Allah. In the Gardens of delight.” (Quran 67:7-12)

The ones at the foremost are those who are strongest in their faith and practise of righteous deeds in the life of this world. They are God-conscious, keeping themselves busy with spiritual discipline and striving and for them Allah will open doors of guidance to the realities of Aqidah with a divine light that will be placed in their hearts as a fulfilment of His true promise. “And those who strive for Us – We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the people of excellence.” (Quran 29:69)

An indication of such acceptance and certitude in faith is given in the example of Abu Bakr (RA) and what was mentioned about the secret in his heart. It was mass transmitted that after the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, he is the best of creation. “Abu Bakr is not better than you because of praying or fasting more, but because of something that has firmly settled in his heart.” (Tirmidhi) He was granted this pre-eminence over the rest of the companions due to his absolute conviction in and perfection of his faith. The unveiling of the secret mentioned is hidden from most people and has many degrees which are proportional to the level of an individuals spiritual striving, inward purity from all besides Allah and the search for illumination by the lights of certitude.

The Hadith Qudsi mentioned in Bukhari summarises this relationship between Allah and his devoted servants beautifully. Allah states that the most beloved acts of worship are those which have been made incumbent upon a person such as fardh Salah, fasting in Ramadhan and giving Zakah and these take precedence. Once these are established and sound a servant can draw even closer to Allah by voluntary acts of worship such as nafl prayers, Sunnah fasts and sadaqah leading to Allah’s love. At this point Allah’s love becomes manifest such that the servant does not hear, see or take action, whether by hand or foot except that it is Allah that is directing his choices towards good. Thus his supplications will be answered and he will be under Allah’s protection. May Allah make us amongst his chosen servants. Ameen.

“Allah (mighty and sublime be He) said: Whosoever shows enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask something of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about seizing the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate hurting him.” (Bukhari)

And Allah knows best. Finally – Any good within this post is from Allah the Most High and any mistakes are from myself. May He forgive and accept it from me. May he have mercy on the esteemed Imam Ghazali (rahimullah) for his service to the religion. Ameen.

<a href=”http://Al-Ghazali: the Book of Belief: Book 2. the Revival of Religious Studies (Fons Vitae Al-Ghazali) (The Fons Vitae al-Ghazali Series)“>Content inspired from Al-Ghazali: the Book of Belief: Book 2. Available here.*

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Little Moments – Lasting Impressions

A painful love

As humans we often experience physical and emotional pain in the form of illness and grief. As a parent however, this sense of pain and helplessness is multiplied further and felt even more intensely when a child is sick or injured. Today was one of those days.

My eldest son ended up with a deep, sharp cut on the forehead after running at high-speed into a wall. After patching him up we rushed him to A&E filled with panic and fear, only to have the wound reopen 24 hours later, followed by another gruelling, exhausting trip to the hospital. As I contemplated the events of the day, the following words of Muhammad ﷺ gave comfort to my very tired heart:

“Whatever befalls a Muslim of exhaustion, illness, worry, grief, nuisance or trouble, even though it may be no more than a prick of a thorn, earns him forgiveness by Allah of some of his sins.” (Bukhari)

SubhanAllah our Lord has so much mercy that even when we feel slight pain from the prick of a thorn some of our sins are forgiven. So what must be the extent of the mercy for a parent who is filled with worry and grief over a sick child? The parent loves the child in the most pure, selfless way and would do anything to prevent or remove any harm from the child. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ reminds us that this love is only from one of the parts of Allah’s mercy which he has sent down for the whole of creation. What must then be the love and mercy of the Creator for his creation?

“Verily, Allah has one hundred portions of mercy. From one portion the creation has been given mercy between themselves and ninety nine portions are reserved for the Day of Resurrection.”

May Allah protect and preserve all our children and shower us with His mercy on the day when we need it the most. Ameen.

“ I have only been sent to perfect good manners” – Muhammad ﷺ

Umar Ibn Al Khattab (RA) once said: “Invite people to Islam even without words.” He was questioned, “How?” to which he replied “With your Manners.” This highlights the importance of perfecting ones akhlaaq (character) and adaab (manners) to such an extent that they become pleasing externally to those around you and they are naturally attracted to your presence. Imam Ali (RA) summarised this perfectly when he said: “Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.” We live in increasingly turbulent times where misconceptions of Islam are prevalent. Imam Ghazali (rahimullah) professed that:”Half of disbelief in Allah in the world is caused by people who make religion look ugly due to their bad conduct and ignorance.” Having good manners and character are the simplest and most effective ways of counteracting negativities about Islam and Muslims and presenting our religion to the world in a positive light.

Akhlaaq relates to the internal state of the soul and entails knowledge which enables differentiation between right and wrong and thus sound morals and character. It includes aspects concerning egoism, arrogance, greed and lust. Adaab on the other hand is a more physical state and can be loosely defined as the appropriate action, attitude and response in any given situation. Therefore taking into account expressed manners and behaviour. It includes being respectful to elders, loving and compassionate to the young, maintaining family ties and being honest. The two are very close in meaning and significance and the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “Those who are most beloved to me and closest to me in the Hereafter are those who have the best akhlaaq amongst you.”

For a child this is even more integral in the early years. From birth until the age of seven they are like sponges, absorbing the world around them and it is imperative that we inculcate good akhlaaq and adaab during this phase of growth. As they form their unique personalities – these distinctive, individual characteristics will not only leave a lasting life-long impression on their interactions and progression in the dunya (world) but also a more eternal impact on their affairs and state in the akhirah (Hereafter). Ibn Qayyim (rahimullah) described the importance of good manners in a profound statement: “The entire deen (religion) is about good character, so whoever exceeds you in good character has exceeded you in religion.”

Our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasised that: “No father can give his child anything better than good manners.” Parents, especially mothers are considered a child’s first school and it is the right of the child to be given a sound education amongst other things. As mentioned previously academic education begins from the age of seven but prior to this nurturing encompasses instilling good manners and character within the child; love for Allah and the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. A mother will undoubtedly be the most influential person in shaping a child’s personality. It is certainly a very heavy responsibility and one which comes with equally heavy rewards. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said “On the Day of Judgement there will be nothing heavier on the scales of a believer than good manners.”

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “I have only been sent to perfect good manners.” Being a mother of four children, all aged 5 and under, this Hadith made me think deeply. The word ‘only’ placed great importance on implementing manners and character within my own Little Muslims. I have been using the book ‘What do we say?‘ to reinforce daily etiquettes that we use in our day such as ‘Bismillah’ when starting something and ‘Alhamdulillah’ upon sneezing. It is quite interactive with its questioning style and allows room for the children to participate by answering. We have used it in conjunction with ‘Tasheelul akhlaq wal adaab’ which is from a more lesson based series of books and focuses on particular scenarios, i.e. manners within the classroom. It contains a story and message which my children struggled to sit through in its entirety due to their ages. Nevertheless it was a useful supplement to get them thinking and will be more applicable to those with slightly older children.

I have used the Akhlaaq chart below with my children as a reward system to motivate and manifest the good manners and behaviour I would like to see in them. This acts as a visual representation of the desired characteristics which can then be promoted during the course of the week and rewarded with treats or appropriate prizes should they be displayed consistently. This is positively reinforcing the behaviour that you want to display and is one of the best ways to get younger children involved and listening.

In conclusion, as parents we need to recognise that we have been entrusted with the great responsibility of nurturing and guiding our children to fulfil their primary goal of knowing and obeying Allah. We should remember that in doing so both their good and bad deeds will be attributed to us and we will have a share in them. Therefore we should take this matter very seriously. May Allah make it an easy affair for us. Ameen.

Lastly, I would like to leave you with the timeless advice of Luqman (AS) to his son which was captured in the Quran – Surah Luqman (Verses 13-19). This is a separate topic for reflection in its own right but I feel it is relevant at this point to contemplate its message and see whether we are equipping our children with similar advice at this present time.

13. And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him: O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.

14. And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness upon weakness and hardship upon hardship, and his weaning is in two years. Give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.

15. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

16. O my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well-Aware (of its place).

17. O my son! Perform prayer, enjoin good and forbid evil and bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.

18. And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant boaster.

19. And be moderate in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice of the ass.

And finally – Any good within this post is from Allah the Most High and any mistakes are from myself. May He forgive and accept it from me. Ameen.

Click to access akhlaq-chart-for-ages-7-8.pdf