Raising Children: When To Begin

When Do I Begin Raising My Child?

Should I consider this before conception, after conception, whilst pregnant or perhaps after the child is born? Or before all of these situations arise?

As for raising children, in reality it starts even before marriage. Women of God begin with good, sincere intentions. This is followed by choosing a pious and righteous father and extending supplications and hopes to Allah. Clear intentions and plans are also required. Prophet Zakariyah asked Allah to give him pious children – in this way linking the desire for a child with a wholesome and pure offspring.

He also not only asked for children who were from the Awliya but for this to continue with inheritance from him and the Prophet Yaqub. All these supplications were made before the conception or birth of the child. And when his dua was granted and the good news of the child Yahya was given, he asked how this would be possible when he was an old man with grey hair and his wife a barren lady. However, his intentions and hopes were so sincere that Allah granted him what he requested without any logical, material possibility of it. Thus, we embark upon this journey by cultivating such hopes and intentions and remembering that anything is possible for Our Lord.

Hana & The Baby Maryam

Allah continues to remind us of the pure intentions and the secret of the hearts of the truthful in the hope and supplications for pious offspring. Hana took an oath to place her child in the exclusive service of Allah without having any part of the world and Allah accepted this in the best and most complete way and granted her better than what she intended. She was surprised and amazed at the birth of a female child when her intentions were for a male child so that he could be placed in a sacred space in the temple. She responded to the discovery by saying that a male child is not like a female child and named her Maryam. However Allah said that he knew better than she regarding what she had given birth to. This was similar to the response given to the angels when they questioned the creation of humans who would cause bloodshed on earth.

Imran’s wife said, ‘Lord, I have dedicated what is growing in my womb entirely to You; so accept this from me. You are the One who hears and knows all,’ but when she gave birth, she said, ‘My Lord! I have given birth to a girl’- God knew best what she had given birth to: the male is not like the female – ‘I name her Mary and I commend her and her offspring to Your protection from the rejected Satan.’ (Quran 3:35-36)

Hana then sought protection in Allah for Maryam and her offspring from the accursed Satan. She did not look at her situation in the world or her material circumstances at the time – rather she had a higher aspiration and was looking at something greater, beyond her newborn child and to her progeny who would be born in the form of Prophet Isa, without a father. He was a product and result of the high noble intentions of his grandmother, Hana. And he will establish a process of order and civilisation on Earth, at the end of times and rule according to the religion of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.

Tarbiyyah of Pregnancy

Such is the tarbiyyah required in the days of pregnancy. So be aware of your intentions, rectify them and make them clear. Make supplication for both a pious spouse and pious offspring – be specific and clear. Children when they are the coolness of our eyes will raise our ranks and increase our rewards. After we die and pass on from this world, they will keep our good deeds alive. So seek out food that is both halal and wholesome. Ensure that all that the child hears from both the mother and the surroundings is sound and good. This includes Quran recitation, poetry, nasheeds and words of the pious predecessors which will open up the child’s intellect. Similar to the way the umbilical cord nourishes the child physically, listening to good will nurture the spiritual state.

Tarbiyyah at Birth

Tarbiyyah at the moment of birth is also touched upon by Hana who seeks protection in Allah from the accursed Satan and so we should also strive to do this. Immediately after that it is sunnah to recite the Adhan in the right ear of the child and the iqamah in the left. This is not a call for them to stand up and pray but rather to connect and bond the soul of the newborn to Allah. So the soul realises the secret of its existence on earth and hears it has a Creator whose name is Allah. When it hears ‘Allahu Akbar’ from the first moment that it enters the world, then it will not sever this relationship or do that which is in opposition to its meaning so easily, even in later life due to its great early impact.

Thereafter, we should perform the tahniq (sweetening the baby’s mouth with a bit of chewed date or the like). A good name should also be chosen for the child – from amongst the Prophets or the righteous as this will have a great impact. Let your children feel a great sense of pride on the Day of Judgement when they recognise the righteous who they have been named after. Also ask the pious and righteous to make dua for them. Always deal with your child with a dhikr on your tongue, with the names of Allah and words that will connect them to Allah so that they are always absorbing through their exposure with you. Even whilst playing with them, recite the declaration of faith so there is a constant connection between the soul of the child and it’s creator.

Duas to Fortify The Child

‘I place you in the protection of the Living, the Self-Sufficient who never dies and I drive evil away from you with ‘There is no strength nor might except in Allah the Sublime, the Almighty’ a billion times over.

‘I seek refuge for you in the complete words of Allah from every devil, every creature and every evil eye.’

Breastfeeding The Child

Breastfeeding can change the nature of a child so always begin with the name of Allah. Try to leave your phone or any distractions and gaze at the child’s face with complete joy, emotions and attachment. Remind the child of your hopes and intentions and duas for them and use it as an opportunity to recite your adhkaar and then read stories of the pious who came before. The correct order should be – basmallah, dua and then dhikr. It is important to bear in mind that whatever the state and temperament of the mother, it will be transferred and become present within the child. Hasan al-Basri said that the cause of his knowledge and scrupulousness was the breastmilk he had taken from Umm Salamah, the wife of the Prophet ﷺ. Although she was an elderly lady at this time without milk but Allah blessed her so that she was able to feed him.

A Christian man came to a pious predecessor named Suhaib and he asked him to go visit your mother who gave you the milk of Islam. He was surprised at this statement and returned home to ask his mother regarding it. She replied that their Muslim neighbour had fed him shortly after birth. He realised this connection of the milk and it became a source of guidance to Tawhid for him. So we can never underestimate the significance of breast milk and it’s powerful connection between two individuals.

Allah has instructed breastfeeding of a child for 2 years for whoever is pleased with that. If the mother is separated from the father then he is to send the child to the mother for that period and if she is not able to breastfeed then he is to find an alternative nurse mother. Musa’s mother was inspired by Alalh to breastfeed him and was reunited with him in the palace of Pharaoh as a result.

If you want to read more Part one can be found here: Raising Children: The 21st Century

Reflections from Raising Children with Ustadha Zaynab bint al-Habib Umar bin Hafidh. Born and raised in the blessed city of Tarim in Yemen. She is the 40th grand-daughter of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.

Raising Children: The 21st Century

How can we breathe, walk, talk and live in the 21st century like the Women of Allah? How can we raise our children in the jungle of the world that we live in? How can we use every cell in our body to raise the banner of Islam?

The sons and daughters of our Ummah have been mesmerised by Western ideologies and the impact of these can not be underestimated. Light needs to be shed on how to live as a Muslim in the 21st century and critique these ideas so that our children can not only recognise them as false but also navigate the sea of cultural, social and political tides.

We can gain an insight by looking at the lives of Women of God – by looking at how they were raised and who they were raised by. And better to do this than Ustadha Zaynab. The daughter of Habib Umar bin Hafidh and Hababa Noor. The 40th grand-daughter of the Prophet Muhammadﷺ.

Allah has created mankind in His wisdom and He has decreed for it according to His knowledge. When He created the human being the angels asked Him if He would put somebody upon the earth who will be a representative and spill blood whilst they praise Him. Allah responded that He knew what they did not. And we ask Allah to make us of those who understand the secret that Allah gave to His angels and of those who practice what is required of that. May Allah allow us to conduct ourselves in such a fashion. Ameen.

The Purpose

The purpose of tarbiyyah (raising children) is to ignite the light of Prophetic upbringing in every generation, in every era, in every time and in every place. The method of which Allah revealed to our Prophet ﷺ in order to rectify people, to make them successful and raise them to the honourable, noble and elevated ranks for which they were created. This light comes from the principles and practices of the sunnah which never change regardless of the passing of time.

Although there may be different methods and approaches to dealing with this and in the way in which they are perceived. We find there are various trends in different times and beliefs in how things should be done which are always fluctuating. Whether these be academics, scholars or otherwise. Those who are proved correct will be rewarded and those who were incorrect will be labelled mistaken. However, the Prophetic principles are firm and stable, based on knowledge that came at the time of the Prophet ﷺ and remains constant and stable without change or correction to the end.

In summary we take from anything that is aligned with the Prophetic model and we reject anything which is in contradiction to the Prophetic way. And the method of the Prophet ﷺ is sufficient for us.

The Why

There are three broad reasons for raising children:

1. The importance of the issue
2. The required duration
3. Outcomes and Fruits

The Importance of the Issue

Tarbiyyah has had importance from the very beginning and is at the core and essence of the representation of being vice-regents of the earth as mentioned in the Quran. Allah has given us our souls here on the earth so that we can live in a good way, in the best way. No one other than Him could have done that just like no one could have raised or lowered the skies.

Allah said he would spread humans through the earth and enable them to become civilised and settle upon the earth. By promoting rectification and building goodness we are fulfilling our established role. The human being is the source and origin of everything that comes from society and the structure of individuals, society and nations and we are thus required to build good upon good. However when the human has a deficiency and a lack of connection with Allah then this will impact his purpose upon the earth. What they have been placed in charge of leading will be distorted by a crookedness of ideas, thought processes and then be translated into wrongful actions.

Therefore, the nurturing of children and bringing them forth is a huge trust placed in the hands of the parents. Allah says in the Quran to protect yourself and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones. Allah also said that we offered this responsibility to the earth and the sky but they both refused and only the human accepted, in his ignorance. So this trust was placed within the human, making him the greatest creature on earth.

Each man is responsible for his family just like a shepherd is responsible for his flock and so he will be questioned about how he carried out his duty. The Prophet ﷺ said that a time would come on the earth when raising a puppy would be better than raising a child as the puppy will not be accountable for what it does or questioned. So raising children is an extremely important and risky responsibility.

The Required Duration

If a person understands the intensity of this responsibility they will realise that it is not for a specific time or place but an ongoing affair. Raising children and implanting the seeds of correct morals within them is a harvest that we will reap in both this world and the Hereafter. We will also reap the benefit at the time of standing, at the time of judgement and when we are placed in the final abode of Heaven or Hell.

Allah says that for those who believed and their children followed them in faith, then Allah will enable them to be followed by their children. So if the parents are in a higher rank than that of their children, then Allah will raise the ranks of the children to the position of their parents due to the excellence of the method in which they raised their children. So if the children followed them in the world then they will also follow them in the next life.

Somebody saw a person who had passed away in a dream and asked about his final end. He said I was amongst the fire and then my child recited the Quran and I was raised from it. So when a person dies everything will be cut off except for three actions, one of which is a righteous child who prays for his parents.

At the time of reckoning there will be children who will complain to Allah that their parents oppressed them and ask for their due. The parents will argue that they had given their children the best food, clothes and education. However, the children will reply that despite all that they had failed to teach them the religion. So they will be thrown into the fire. We ask Allah to protect us from this and make us amongst those who believe and whose offspring follow them in faith.

Outcomes and Fruits

The human is the one who Allah has blown into His Ruh and corrected and made in the best way, upon the fitrah. He has then given them the blessing of children so that they may be straightened and nurtured on their fitra. The child is a trust and the way of dealing with this trust is to realise that it has the potential to reach the highest level of humanity and to be able to hear and know the words of the Lord. Allah has prepared this soul and being for the highest ranks of truthfulness, with the capacity of reaching the ranks of the pious, saints and many spiritual capabilities.

Allah has made this possible through the parents, if they perform their role in raising the child correctly. This is the best of the potential outcomes – that the child reaches this rank and provides feelings of happiness, joy and pride to the parents. It truly is the pride of this world and the next. It is also the light, contentment and happiness of Allah with you as a parent. May Allah grant us it. Ameen.

To continue reading Part 2: Raising Children When To Begin, click here.

Reflections from Raising Children with Ustadha Zaynab bint al-Habib Umar bin Hafidh. Born and raised in the blessed city of Tarim in Yemen. She is the 40th grand-daughter of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.